A few weeks ago, the humans went away on vacation. While they were gone, a female human came by and fed me. Though it wasn't hot, and there was plenty of food, I thought, "The nerve of these bastards. Who do they think they are, leaving me without entertainment?"
I hatched my plan. When they came back, I'd make them regret they ever packed their suitcases.
Last time they went away, they got a broken clock. This time, they'd get: a broken cat.
I started out with a simple silent treatment, then amped it up as the days went by. I did not eat in front of them, I did not drink, I didn't even go to the bathroom (you can imagine how that hurt). Not once did I meow, except for effect while in the litter box. I basically undid all the characteristics that they were used to.
And it worked. I overheard them talking about every possible thing that could be wrong with me. Everything from eating rubber bands to chemical poisoning, as if I would be stupid enough to drink paint stripper.
Soon, they grew worried and debated calling the vet. See? Their first answer is to send you away!
After almost a week, I was taken to the vet. I had to pretend to be lethargic, so I just sort of agreed to go in the carrier.
At the vet, I was told that I was overweight, but that was it. The vet x-rayed me and could find nothing wrong. In the end, the humans paid a stiff $400 fine!
The next day, I decided to go easy on them and start slowly returning to normal. I spaced it out over a week to torture them.
Below is my x-ray. I think I look fine. They're trying to put me on a diet now, cutting back my portions of Fancy Feast, but I just eat more dry food to make up the difference. Fools.