Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Shadow's Tips: Getting Back at Them

A few weeks ago, the humans went away on vacation. While they were gone, a female human came by and fed me. Though it wasn't hot, and there was plenty of food, I thought, "The nerve of these bastards. Who do they think they are, leaving me without entertainment?"

I hatched my plan. When they came back, I'd make them regret they ever packed their suitcases.

Last time they went away, they got a broken clock. This time, they'd get: a broken cat.

I started out with a simple silent treatment, then amped it up as the days went by. I did not eat in front of them, I did not drink, I didn't even go to the bathroom (you can imagine how that hurt). Not once did I meow, except for effect while in the litter box. I basically undid all the characteristics that they were used to.

And it worked. I overheard them talking about every possible thing that could be wrong with me. Everything from eating rubber bands to chemical poisoning, as if I would be stupid enough to drink paint stripper.

Soon, they grew worried and debated calling the vet. See? Their first answer is to send you away!

After almost a week, I was taken to the vet. I had to pretend to be lethargic, so I just sort of agreed to go in the carrier.

At the vet, I was told that I was overweight, but that was it. The vet x-rayed me and could find nothing wrong. In the end, the humans paid a stiff $400 fine!

The next day, I decided to go easy on them and start slowly returning to normal. I spaced it out over a week to torture them.

Below is my x-ray. I think I look fine. They're trying to put me on a diet now, cutting back my portions of Fancy Feast, but I just eat more dry food to make up the difference. Fools.

Shadow Cat


Margaret said...

Oh my gosh! This is so funny! But, actually, poor Shadow was likely depressed that his humans went off and left him.

thingofitis http://thingofitis-thingofitis.blogspot.com/ said...

Great post. Shadow looks a lot like my Felix.

I've taught Felix how to bring me a bag of chips. He won't bring anything else though and it's usually full of holes by the times he drops it in my lap. I guess it's the thought that counts.