Monday, June 30, 2008

Take Me Home?

Alright, everyone, I know I come off as a bit self-centered, but I'll put that aside to tell you all about a wonderful no-kill animal shelter in Freeport, Long Island.

There are tons of cats and dogs just waiting for a loving home. Donations are also appreciated.

Visit them here: Freeport Animal Shelter.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Shady? Who, me?

Last night, I felt like smacking a few things onto the floor in the apartment. I cannot stand Christophe's pretentious sunglasses, so on the floor they went.

The best part was when he woke up, saw them on the floor and jumped out of bed to see if I had broken them. It was priceless.

Stupid humans.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Shadow's Tips: Getting Back at Them

A few weeks ago, the humans went away on vacation. While they were gone, a female human came by and fed me. Though it wasn't hot, and there was plenty of food, I thought, "The nerve of these bastards. Who do they think they are, leaving me without entertainment?"

I hatched my plan. When they came back, I'd make them regret they ever packed their suitcases.

Last time they went away, they got a broken clock. This time, they'd get: a broken cat.

I started out with a simple silent treatment, then amped it up as the days went by. I did not eat in front of them, I did not drink, I didn't even go to the bathroom (you can imagine how that hurt). Not once did I meow, except for effect while in the litter box. I basically undid all the characteristics that they were used to.

And it worked. I overheard them talking about every possible thing that could be wrong with me. Everything from eating rubber bands to chemical poisoning, as if I would be stupid enough to drink paint stripper.

Soon, they grew worried and debated calling the vet. See? Their first answer is to send you away!

After almost a week, I was taken to the vet. I had to pretend to be lethargic, so I just sort of agreed to go in the carrier.

At the vet, I was told that I was overweight, but that was it. The vet x-rayed me and could find nothing wrong. In the end, the humans paid a stiff $400 fine!

The next day, I decided to go easy on them and start slowly returning to normal. I spaced it out over a week to torture them.

Below is my x-ray. I think I look fine. They're trying to put me on a diet now, cutting back my portions of Fancy Feast, but I just eat more dry food to make up the difference. Fools.

Shadow Cat


Ah, it has been so long since I have posted. Here is a photo of my last failed escape attempt. Thank catness for the chirping birds outside. They provided an ample excuse as to why I tore a hole in their screen.