Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Ask Shadow: Should I Run Away?

Dear Shadow,

I hate my life. Really. My owner is never home, when he is he's cranky. Always ignoring me because he's "working" on his computer. Won't even play with me. I cry and cry and he just shushes me. After about 5 minutes, he'll finally get off his fat ass and play with me, but don't I deserve instant attention? I've been thinking of running away. What do I do?

Topeka, KS

Dear Unappreciated,

I'm so sorry to hear of this. First off, running away is the stupidest thing you can do. Do you want to meet the business end of an SUV? I didn't think so.

Back to business. From what I've read, I think you need to get him to love you more. But maybe you need to look within yourself first and stop being such a crybaby. Are you affectionate enough? Do you sleep with him? Do you even sit on his lap? Are you attentive even when you're not hungry? If you can't answer "no" to these questions, then maybe that's the root of the problem. You kind of hinted that you're a bit demanding with all the crying, so maybe you need to work on being a bit more loving. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don't be a bitch. That's for dogs.